The Gift/Curse of Time

by Kerri

He watched her move around the grave markers, laying bundles of greenery at each one. Watched her wipe tears from her eyes while she did it. It had been exactly one year since they'd both stood here remembering, something they did every year on this day. He almost didn't come this time, but the past wouldn't let him go, anymore than it would for her.

The time apart allowed him to see the subtle aging signs on her face. She looked like any other woman enjoying her late twenties but the eyes gave her away. The eyes that had seen centuries of pain, loss, love.

She looked up and saw him standing over there. A smile quirked, her face lightening from the heavy burden of memories.

"I was beginning to think you wouldn't make it this year," she said lightly, not allowing him to see her pain his absence had given her.

"I almost didn't come," he admitted. "After the last time..."

She turned away. "I know, and I'm sorry." Her face reddened.

They fell silent, suddenly awkward with each other. She picked up her basket and continued paying her respects to the dead.

He followed. "How have you been doing?"

"Fine."

He stopped her, reaching out to lift her face to his. "You don't have to cover up for me."

"What am I supposed to say? What do you want to hear?"

"How about the truth?"

"Truth? I don't know what that is anymore."

"It's easy. Tell me what you feel." He looked down at the grave they'd stopped at. 'Beloved Husband and Father'. Bad place to have this discussion. That's what started the whole fight a year ago. Her sense of being unfaithful. It overwhelmed her at times, but last year it nearly took her over completely.

"It's hard being the one left behind all the time," she whispered, her hand tracing the lettering on the headstone.

"I'm learning that one," he said quietly.

"The children are all gone. They were the only things that kept me going sometimes. Them and your visits." The world was a ravaged place, but the young adults she'd raised were out making their separate ways in it, finding a curious acceptance their parents and grandparents hadn't found.

Nothing to say to that. He knew better than anyone the sacrifices she made for the children brought to her, the ones left in her care by anxious or terrified parents. Even the grandchildren of those buried here. As for his visits, they did have an unconventional relationship due to their respective self-imposed duties.

"I don't know if you've heard, but we sent Bishop back a few months ago."

He nodded. "Forge told me."

"I pray every night he is successful."

"You've converted?" He said this for a laugh. She was at times the most spiritual person he'd ever known, able to cling to her faith throughout the devastation that ravaged the world.

Now a reluctant smile from her. "No. I know how that bothers your good Baptist soul."

"That the only reason you haven't accepted the gospel?"

"It would be enough," her smile grew a bit wider. "I've never had a reason to believe in your god, my own gods are sufficient for me."

"Heathen," he said mildly.

A laugh broke from her. "I have missed you so much."

"I've missed you, too." He pulled his wife into his arms and kissed her warmly, feeling her respond to him. He finally understood this last year her fierce loyalty to those she had lost. She was the only one left in his life who knew, who understood why it all went so wrong.

"Maybe now that the children are grown we'll have time for us," he said, cradling her against his chest. "We've been married twenty years and have yet to be together more than a month or two at a time."

"I know."

"If Bishop's mission is successful we might not have this time tomorrow. Our life together may not even exist." Before it truly began.

"I know that, too." She looked down at the grave marker. 'You would understand, wouldn't you? she said to it. How alone I am, how long it's been since you were taken from me.' She felt a flood of warmth. Maybe it was her mind playing tricks on her, but she wanted to believe he would understand and forgive her.

Charlotte took Sam's hand. "Come on, husband. Let's go talk about the future."

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