Neogenesis

by Phil Hartman

8/12/2000: X-Mansion Medlab: 06:00 hrs EDT:

"Oh my stars and garters ..."

Hank McCoy went periwinkle beneath his surgical mask as he reviewed the amniocentesis he had performed upon the fluid Jean Summers had expelled when her water broke.

"This is ... oh my GOD ... Hank, if this is right - we have to tell her," Cecilia Reyes breathed behind her own mask as they prepped for the delivery of Jean's triplets.

"Your force field would protect you, mi amor, but this blue-furred bundle of shocked medical marvel would just as soon prefer to tell Jean AFTER she's exhausted herself delivering her bundles of joy," Hank pleaded. "An enraged, laboring telekinetic would not be my idea of a -"

~HANK ! WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BABIES !?~

Beast and Cecilia flinched under the mindshout, heading into the delivery room with feigned smiles.

"Nothing, Jean," Hank said, getting into position. "Ororo, sponge, please ?"

"Breathe, my sister," Ororo said, patting Jean's forehead. "Henry, the truth."

Hank sighed and said, "Jean, have you been having more of those flashes of Scott in the back of your mind ?"

"They've gotten stronger the closer I get to - GRNNN - giving birth," Jean said. "Hank, what is it ?"

Hank sighed and said, "Two of your children are yours and Scott's - the little girl, and one of the boys."

Jean's eyes bulged.

"And the other boy I'm carrying ... ?" she asked, concentrating.

Hank audibly swallowed and said, "I swear, when I carried out the embryo implantation, I thought it was the three embryos you and Scott had conceived ..."

"Hank. WHOSE SON AM I CARRYING ?" Jean grunted.

Hank took a deep breath and blurted:

"Christopher and Katherine Summers' eldest boy."

Ororo rocked on her heels, and Cecilia cursed violently in Spanish.

Jean looked up with a very odd expression.

"I. Am about to give birth. To my HUSBAND ?" she asked.

"Well, his clone, I suppose," Hank said. "If you want to be philosophical about it -"

A scream from Jean cut him off, and Hank started to pray.

#Oh Lord, let this Beast keep all his fur ...#

#Jean ?#

#It's getting awfully dry in here all of a sudden ... of course, waking up in an artificial womb was shocking enough. Apocalypse must've trapped me -#

#OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOW !!!#

#HEY ! Hank, why're you spanking me !? This better not be one of Bobby's sick dreams !#

Jean let her two children nurse, smiling oddly at the third nestled in Hank's arms. The boy blinked, not at all crying, with a positively exasperated look on his face.

~Scott ?~ Jean sent hopefully.

~Jean ! Thank God !~ the baby thought back. ~Dear Lord, did I - I didn't - how -~

~Er ... I hope you like formula, honey,~ Jean sent apologetically. ~Connor and Deirdre are really taking a lot of my milk ...~

~Oh. Well, of course they need it more than I,~ Scott thought quietly. ~How - ?~

~Hank was experimenting with cloning years ago, but abandoned it over ethical concerns,~ Jean sent. ~He had an embryo of yours left over, and the rest is history, so to speak ...~

~Oh my Lord. I've got to grow UP again !?~ Scott thought, shocked. ~Oh, I am NOT looking forward to potty training ...~

The Babies looked at the newcomer with some interest, noticing his different smell and quiescent observation of the Big Ones who came to look at them. The noises the Big Ones made were incomprehensible, but the newcomer seemed to understand.

"Aww, ain't he cute," the Hairy Thing smiled over their crib. "Scotty's so cute. Yes he - OW !"

The newcomer giggled as the stuffed dog the Babies had received fell back into the crib.

"Helluva aim, Cyke, even f'r a newborn," the Hairy Thing grumbled. "Just ya wait - diapers suck."

The newcomer howled with rage, and the Babies traded a look:

Things were starting to get interesting.

"Well, Scott, we have several options," Xavier said, rocking his first X-Man while they watched the X-Men play ball and Jean played with Connor and Deirdre. "There is Shi'ar technology which could accelerate your growth, or riskier terrestrial devices ..."

~I'd just be happy to never, EVER let Logan change my diaper, sir,~ Scott thought in a mortified tone over their psi-link. ~I just hope something can be done.~

"We'll figure something out," Xavier said. He held Scott to his shoulder and asked, "Now ?"

~Please.~

BELLLCH.

~Thanks.~

~Damn,~ Scott thought to Jean as he watched Connor and Deirdre nursing. ~Don't suppose I can get some of that, can I ?~

~You're the dirtiest-minded newborn I've ever met !~ Jean teased.

~Consider where I popped out of,~ Scott thought, grinning toothlessly.

~I swear, I might just sell you to the Gypsies,~ Jean replied.

~Wanda wouldn't be too bad, actually ...~

~SCOTT ! No pacifier for you !~

~Just kidding ! Just kidding !~

He awoke, looking around while his children slept.

#God, I hope we never have to explain this to them,# Scott thought. He looked at Connor and Deirdre and sighed, thinking, #'Sorry, kids, but your brother is really your dad.'#

~Flonq. And here I thought MY life was bizarre ...~

Scott looked up to see Cable standing over the crib with a weird grin.

~You're never going to let me live this down, are you ?~ Scott thought over the link.

~Well, you'll finally be able to play baseball with me,~ Nathan thought with a smirk. ~Seriously, I've got someone who can help.~

~Fathers ... you found a religion, die, get stuck on the astral plane and all they do is die and get stuck in clone bodies,~ Rachel teased, hovering over the crib. ~Nate, pick him up.~

Nathan made a face and said, "What if he made in his diaper ?"

~I WILL in a minute if you don't listen to your sister !~ Scott thought angrily.

"Yes, Baby Dad," Nathan chuckled, lifting the infant Scott from the crib. "Ray ... ?"

Rachel concentrated, waving when Jean walked in with a huge smile, and focused her powers on Scott. The room filled with light -

- and a blushing, diaper-clad Cyclops stood before his wife and children.

"I'll get you something really special at Christmas," Scott grinned as Rachel faded out and Jean tackled him.

"Oh Bright Lady - do you two have to do that in front of the children ?" Nathan groaned, heading outside.

He twitched.

#Somethin' stinks,# Logan realized, rolling over in bed.

He shuddered at the pile of diapers sitting on the floor, and the familiar man standing in the doorway in jeans and a T-shirt.

"CYKE ... !"

"Ah, I taught him well," Bobby grinned as Scott ran down the corridor of the mansion, Logan close behind. "Welcome back, boss !"

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