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Warning: Rampant weirdness ahead ...
Continuity Note: Starts at the end of X-Men vol. 2, # 97 ...
Angstus Dei
by Phil Hartman
"SCOTT !"
Charles Xavier looked up from the floor of Apocalypse's fortress, aghast, as the remaining Twelve and other X-Men who had attacked the Dark Lord arrived. Jean Summers' psionic aura was almost sheer terror and grief.
The being in the middle of the room was unreadable.
Scott Summers - Cyclops - had leapt at Apocalypse during the villain's apotheosis, pushing his genetic son Nate Grey to safety. But both Scott and Apocalypse were stuck together somehow -
- and a great rush of air filled the room -
- and white light blinded everyone for a moment -
- and a pale white, blue-lipped man in a kilt fell to the floor, a topknot of dark hair on his head.
"No ..." the man breathed, rising to his knees to look Cable in the face with growing shock. "This is not ... Summers stripped me of MY power ..."
"Gag me with a spork !" Marrow coughed. "It's an evil clown !"
"Who's about to - wait a minute," Cable said, throttling En Sabah Nur with one hand and holding his chin with the other. "If Apocalypse's reverted to his original form, then that means -"
The being in the middle of the room boomed, "I'VE BECOME A GOD !"
"Scott ? A god ?" Iceman winced. "Oh geez. State-mandated angst is not my idea of fun, O Your High And Mightyness."
"Scott ... ? Scott ! You're all right !" Jean exclaimed, running to hug her husband.
"WAIT ! LET ME ASSUME A MORE APPROPRIATE FORM," Scott/God boomed. The glowing figure flickered -- and a toga-clad man with glowing red eyes and perfect brown hair stood grinning before Jean.
"Oh, Fearless," Beast groaned. "Spandex, please. You and 'Animal House' just do NOT mix."
"Shut UP, Hank," Jean grinned salaciously, hugging Scott. "I wonder what he's got on under that toga."
"Jean !" Cable groaned, shuddering.
"So ... what'll you do now that you've Ascended, Scott ?" Xavier asked from Colossus' arms.
"OH, HEAL THE SICK, FEED THE WORLD, TEASE LOGAN -THAT SORT OF THING," Scott/God grinned.
"Scott, there is something you could do," Jean asked, whispering in his ear. Scott's eyes widened, and he nodded.
"What ... my toes ? Good Lord, my toes !" Xavier shouted. Colossus set him down gently, gasping when Xavier started to walk.
"AND THAT'S JUST FOR STARTERS," Scott/God winked. The mutants started to teleport, but the newborn deity glared at Apocalypse.
"... NO. YOU SUFFER ENOUGH BEING YOU," Scott/God sneered. "ALTHOUGH IF NATE WANTS TO GET IN A CHEAP PARTING SHOT ..."
"Just leave me here, Scott," Cable grinned wickedly, turning back to Apocalypse. "There are some things gods shouldn't dirty their hands with."
Bronx, New York City:
"Sacre mere !" Xi'an Coy Mahn gasped, seeing Scott/God appear in midair. "M'sieu Summers ?!"
"FEAR NOT, KARMA," Scott/God said, bowing. "I COME TO HEAL YOUR SIBLINGS." He held out his hand to the mutated Leong and Nga, and
POOF !
Two small, smiling Vietnamese children ran to Xi'an, laughing.
"Merci, M'sieu !" Karma laughed, hugging her sibs. "But how - ?"
"IT'S A LONG STORY, XI'AN," Scott nodded, fading out. "I'LL SEE YOU AROUND."
Manhattan Harbor, about 10,000 feet elevation:
"STOP THE WEDDING !"
Susan Richards and Dr. Doom gasped, as did the Avengers, Thing and Human Torch, as Scott/God appeared from midair.
"THAT'S NOT DR. DOOM. AND YOU TRANSDIMENSIONAL LOSERS NEED TO STEP OFF," Scott/God boomed, flicking his wrist. Doom's armor disintegrated, revealing Reed Richards, and the Fantastic Four, Avengers and the deity reappeared at Pier 4.
"The invading armies from Planet Doom ! They've vanished !" the Wasp shouted. "But how -"
"THEY'VE GONE BACK TO PLANET DOOM. I'M A HAPPY-GO-LUCKY KIND OF GOD," Scott/God shrugged, grinning. "DR. AND MRS. RICHARDS, ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO ?"
"You could bring our son home," Reed asked, looking at Scott incredulously. "Cyclops, you should be careful. Your body wasn't meant to handle that kind of power."
"I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND," Scott/God nodded as Franklin Richards, his Puppy, Valeria Von Doom and Caledonia appeared from nowhere. "FAREWELL, MY FRIENDS."
"Gosh, Mr. Summers's been eatin' his veg't'bles," Frank said.
"NO ! NOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!"
The Marauders watched, aghast, as Sinister ran around in circles, actually sweating.
"CYCLOPS ! NOT CABLE ! CYCLOPS DEFEATED APOCALYPSE !" Sinister screamed. "And he's got the power of a GOD ! Do you know what that means !?"
"Two-for-one sale on ruby quartz at the Gap ?" Scrambler asked.
"I'M DOOMED !" Sinister shrieked. "I'll be lucky if he doesn't turn me into taffy ! And if he finds out what I've got behind Door Number Three -"
The roof exploded, and the Marauders shrieked as one.
"SINISTER ! AT LAST, YOU CONNIVING, SADISTIC ANIMAL -BEG FOR MERCY ! BEG, I COMMAND YOU !!" Scott/God boomed.
"NEVER !" Essex shouted, firing energy blasts at Scott/God. The energies died before they even reached the deity, who waved his hand.
POOF !
The Marauders screamed, cringing.
"Y-you - you turned Sinister into - into THAT !?" Vertigo sobbed. "That's AWFUL !"
"SO, WHAT IS BEHIND DOOR NUMBER THREE ?" Scott/God demanded, ignoring the transformed Sinister. Riptide ran to open the chamber, ducking when the deity lifted its contents into his arms.
The little girl yawned, shaking out her red hair, and looked at Scott before mumbling, "Daddy ... ?"
"HE CLONED RACHEL ?" Scott/God asked. "I'M GLAD SHE'S HERE - WHOOPS ! GOTTA GO - I REMEMBER WHAT I REALLY HAVE TO DO NEXT. OH, AND DON'T FORGET TO TAKE SINISTER FOR A WALK."
The Marauders groaned as Scott/God and Rachel teleported, leaving them with Sinister.
"Yo quiero scalpel," the black-lipped Chihuahua demanded.
Muir Island:
"Good Lord !"
Moira MacTaggart broke into a huge grin as Rachel ran to her, laughing, and looked at Scott/God with a wry smirk. "Well, lad, ye've been takin' vitamins, I see," the geneticist chuckled.
"SOMETHING LIKE THAT," Scott/God smiled. "MOIRA, IT'S TIME I FIXED SOMETHING THAT, INDIRECTLY, I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR. MY 'SON' STRYFE INFLICTED THE LEGACY VIRUS UPON THE WORLD, BUT NO LONGER !"
POOF !
"Och !" Moira gasped. "I feel wonderful - but Scott, th' sensors show yuir body's startin' t' overload on th' energy yui're wieldin'. Ye've got t' step down from yuir godhead soon, or ..."
"But Daddy can't die, Aunt Moira !" Rachel pleaded, reaching for Scott/God. He took her in his arms, and nodded.
"JUST A FEW MORE THINGS, MOIRA. THEN I'LL GIVE UP THE JUICE," Scott/God boomed. He and Rachel vanished, leaving Moira to reach for the phone.
"Hello ? Yes, I'd like t'make a transatlantic call -1-555-LUVWAIL ..."
"RACHEL !!!"
Scott/God and Jean, along with the other X-Men, grinned as Rachel hugged Kitty, while Lockheed clung merrily to his Kitty's neck.
"I HAVE TO GIVE UP THIS POWER SOON," Scott/God told the other X-Men as they lounged around the X-mansion library. "IF I COULD GIVE EACH OF YOU A WISH ..."
"Er ... well, I kinda wish I'd grown up with you as my parents," Nate Grey asked. Rachel ran to hug him, but stopped short when a POOF ! filled the room.
"Aw, geez," Logan groaned, seeing a small brown-haired boy run laughing to Rachel, then Scott and Jean. "A short Nate. I'm gonna puke."
"AND HE WON'T EXPLODE WHEN HE TURNS 21 - I FIXED THAT TOO," Scott/God smiled. "I ASKED HIS PERMISSION TELEPATHICALLY BEFORE I DEAGED HIM."
"Scott, we're all very happy for you, but ... wasn't that a little imperious ?" Psylocke asked. "That much power -"
"Is a threat to everyone - oh, hello, Remy," a blue-glowing figure said, appearing in midair. "I can kill you first, then deal with Cyclops."
"De New Son !" Gambit shouted, charging a card. "Why you wan' kill me, homme ?"
"Nothing personal. You're just keeping my parents from ever dating successfully," the New Son shrugged.
"Who're your parents !?" Rogue shouted.
"Mother ! And Father's here too," the New Son beamed, looking at Magnus.
"He gets points for wanting to kill the Cajun, but the glowing deity-shape subtracts from the overall Lehnsherr-ness - 8.5," Magnus muttered to Angel.
"I SAID I WOULD GIVE UP MY POWER," Scott/God boomed again, scowling. "BUT NOT BEFORE I PREVENT YOU FROM KILLING GAMBIT."
POOF !
Rogue gasped as another small, brown-haired boy appeared where the New Son had been, then looked at her and laughed, "Momma !"
"Scott, mon dieu, did y'have t'do dat ?" Remy pleaded, watching Rogue pick up her son and gush.
"WOULD YOU RATHER BE DEAD ?" Scott/God smirked.
"Bien point," Remy muttered. "What next in de hat ?"
"HMMM ... I'VE ALWAYS KIND OF WANTED TO GO BEAT UP KANG, YOU KNOW, ON GENERAL PRINCIPLES," Scott/God nodded. "THAT KIND OF EGO JUST BEGS TO BE KICKED TO THE CURB."
He vanished, leaving Hank and Bobby to look at each other and simultaneously ask, "'Kick to the curb ?'"
"Y'r not our real daddy, are ya ?"
Kang rolled his eyes, watching his stolen foster children look up at him from below his throne, and said, "No, Tobias."
The red-haired twin boys looked at each other, nodded, and yelled, "LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE !"
#Note to self: the next time when you take cruel revenge on the Scarlet Witch for marrying that overgrown toaster instead of you, make sure her offspring are made into obedient slaves,# Kang thought.
He shuddered when Scott/God appeared, booming, "KANG !" The deity cocked his head for a moment, then said, "THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SOUND EFFECT FROM 'SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST.'"
"GUARDS ! - Oh, never mind," Kang groaned, watching as Scott/God turned the approaching Anachronauts into chickens. "Why chickens, Summers ?"
"COMEDIC RELIEF," Scott/God replied, vaporizing Kang's armor. "UGH. BOXERS WITH LITTLE HEARTS ON THEM ?"
"Kewl ! C'n ya take us t'our mom ?" one of the boys asked. Scott/God took each of them by a hand and nodded, looking at them before raising an eyebrow.
"THE VISION MUST BE MORE SOLID THAN I THOUGHT," he chuckled, teleporting with the boys.
"Tommy ! Billy !"
Wanda Maximoff laughed, hugging her sons, and smiled to Scott/God. "Cyclops, thank you," the mutant hex-caster said. "But are you all right ? You're looking a little ..."
"JUST A LITTLE WHILE LONGER, WANDA," Scott/God said, teleporting from Avengers Mansion. He reappeared amongst the X-Men, coughing, and let Jean help him to a couch.
"Scott, please - you've reunited parents with their children, healed the Professor and Karma's siblings, and saved the world at least three times," Jean pleaded. "Let go of the power. The kids and I need you."
"ONE LAST THING, DARLING," Scott/God smiled, standing. "LORNA - I 'SAW' ALEX IN ONE OF KANG'S VIEWSCREENS AT THE END OF TIME."
"Alex is ALIVE !?" Lorna Dane cheered.
"THERE IS A CATCH. ON THE ALTERNATE EARTH HE WAS TRAPPED ON, HIS DUPLICATE HAD A SON BY MADELYNE PRYOR," Scott/God said. "IT'D BREAK THE BOY'S HEART IF I BROUGHT ALEX BACK WITHOUT HIM ..."
"Do it," Lorna pleaded. "Scott, I'd love any child of Alex's - just please, bring Alex home."
"IT'S DONE," Scott/God nodded.
POOF !
"A-Alex ...?" a young blond boy asked, clinging to Havok's legs. Alex Summers looked around the room, stunned, breaking into a grin as Lorna ran to hug him.
"I'm - Scott, what the heck happened to your fashion sense ?" Havok asked between kisses from Lorna.
"VERY FUNNY. I KICKED APOCALYPSE'S BUTT, RESCUE RACHEL AND NATE, BRING YOU BACK, AND CURE THE LEGACY VIRUS, AND YOU'RE STILL AN UNAPOLOGETIC SMARTASS," Scott/God laughed. "WAIT - ONE MORE THING -"
"No, Scott ! Depower, now !" Jean demanded. "I can sense the energy eating at you ! I don't want you to die !"
"Daddy, p'ease," L'il Nate gulped, clinging to Rachel.
POOF !
The X-Men looked incredulously at a small brown-haired girl who appeared from midair, looking at them with a faint smile.
"CALL ... PETER PARKER ... TELL HIM ... HIS DAUGHTER IS ... ALIVE," Scott said, staggering. His toga shifted back to his old uniform, and he let Jean catch him as a huge sphere of white energy erupted from his body.
"... well, you took your sweet time."
"Jean ... ?" Scott asked, looking at his wife for the first time without a red tint. Jean sat at his medbed side, letting Rachel, L'il Nate and Alex's blond-haired son peek over the rails.
"Hi, Unca Scott - I'm Scotty," the blond boy said, smiling. "Thanks f'r bringin' me back with my dad -Lorna's pretty nice."
"Sorry ... I didn't ask first, Scotty," Scott chuckled. "Jean - I didn't cure ... Nathan's technovirus ... cure world hunger ..."
"Nathan wouldn't be Nathan without the virus, like it or not," Jean fussed. "Besides, we have Ray, and little Nate, and Scotty's practically my son. And the world wouldn't matter without you, Mr. Summers."
"Thanks, Mrs. Summers - my visor ! I don't need it ?" Scott asked, sitting up.
Jean pushed him back down, shooing the kids out of the room while Hank approached with a cup of water. "You subconsciously healed your brain damage when you were running around as a god, Fearless," Beast chuckled. "No more rose-colored glasses for you."
"Thanks," Scott said, sipping the water. He leaned back in bed and asked, "What about Apocalypse ?"
"Nathan was ... creative in dealing with Nur," Jean said, scowling. "Apocalypse is dead. Quite dead."
"As in 'Cable dropped a Sphinx on him dead,'" Beast winced.
"Good ... boy ... Nate," Scott muttered, falling asleep.
Jean and Hank left him, heading for the hall and laughing as the Summers kids ran by, a horde of other small children right behind them.
"Jean, when Scott wakes, please thank him again," Wanda smiled, hugging her friend. "Tommy and Billy are a miracle, and they and Luna have hit it off. And my little brother Charles has done wonders for my family - Father's renounced the throne of Genosha and headed for the country with Rogue and Charlie."
"Oh my stars and garters," Hank gasped. "Jean -Scott's brain damage is healed ! That means he should be able to channel his solar energy anywhere through his body, like Alex !"
"But Hank, Alex's mutation manifests as heat," Jean said. "If Scott's is force ..."
The medlab door buckled, then shattered, as a fist punched through it.
"Jean ! I'm floating ! And I can bend steel with my bare hands !" Scott grinned.
"Oh no," Hank groaned. "Solar energy throughout his body ... Scott's a living solar battery ..."
"Someone get some Kryptonite ..."
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