A Discussion Overheard During The Credits of a Film By David O Russell

by Benway

"Huh."

"Clooney?"

"E.R."

"E.R.?"

"TV show. Used to be on BBC Scotland."

"LL Cool J?"

"Rap."

"Still, he was a good actor."

"Why wouldn't he be?"

"It's hardly music."

"Shhh."

"What?"

"Look around behind you."

"I did."

"Lots of people here like that."

"Because they're Blacks?"

"African-Americans."

"Odd, that. Here we are in your nation's capital, and I feel like I'm back in Soweto under Botha."

"Shhh."

"I mean, I didn't see another, whatdeyecallem, White person under 60 anywhere around here. We're the only ones."

"No we're not. There's at least 20 white people in here."

"So you counted."

"And it's not the nation's capital."

"What?"

"We're in Silver Spring. It's in Maryland."

"And that's how far from Washington?"

"..."

"Well?"

"Other side of the subway tracks."

"So far away. Must be at least 200 metres."

"What's gotten into you? Didn't you like the film?"

"I liked the film."

"Thought you would."

"Can't believe they made it."

"I know."

"Real bullets."

"No kidding."

"Never seen a firefight shot like that. Shot like what it feels like to be in one."

"Good that someone knows it's not ballet."

"Didn't guess which one would get killed. Just happens. No drama."

"The drama comes after everyone goes home."

"Yeah."

"So you did like the film."

"Yeah."

"So what's bugging you?"

"Too fucking good."

"How so?"

"Like M*A*S*H. Made me think."

"Alan Alda. Yuck."

"Not the TV version. Robert Duvall. Robert Altman. Donald Sutherland. Suicide is painless-"

"Argh. I didn't know the theme had words."

"It does."

"Made you think."

"About the rebels. You gave them the shaft. Let them all be killed. Could have marched right to Baghdad, but you didn't. Stopped as soon as you had your fucking oil."

"One, who's always going on about stupid what-could-have-beens when it comes to wars? Two, which leader of a clapped-out former superpower acted like a handpuppet with a big American fist up its arse, as you so eloquently put it?"

"You lot were running the show."

"I was in Scotland. And I'm not All Americans."

"Huh."

"So what the fuck is bugging you? It's like pulling goddamn teeth."

"Remember that scene, the one where the guy with the big package is getting the telephone?"

"That was in Boogie Nights and it wasn't his schlong. It was a body double. Yeah, I remember it. Subtle. Not so obvious."

"That Iraqi, he's talking about how he was trained by you, sorry, by the Americans, to fight a war against Iraq. Then he's telling how his wife lost her legs in the bombing. Then he's telling what happened to his son. Then they cut to that scene with the crib."

"Didn't see that coming."

"They laughed."

"What?"

"Someone fucking laughed. Some stupid bloody animal in this cinema laughed. Didn't you hear them? Every time an Iraqi soldier got shot? Didn't you hear the cheers?"

"I heard them. Maybe they lost some relatives in the war."

"Rubbish. How many fucking Yanks got killed in that war? A hundred? One in two million? It wasn't just one person laughing. What's the odds of them all having relatives who died in the war? You should know that."

"Look-"

"Stupid fucking ignorant wankers. Makes me sick. Whole fucking country, makes me sick. Fear the future, they say. They have to fear the future because they're all too damn ignorant to face what it might be like."

"..."

"I mean, what are they going to take away from all this? All of them drive cars. All of them have bloody hands in this. Christ, we all do."

"So we're all a bunch of fucking wankers, huh?"

"Can't make beer, can't make cheese, can't usually make films, so bloody ignorant, so bloody dangerous, heads in the clouds-"

"So we're all garbage?"

"Er-"

"So there's nothing good about my home?"

"It's the only place you could have come from."

"So I'm the redeemer?"

"Look, love, it just gets to me. Biting the hand that feeds me, you know."

"So I get a special dispensation because I let you fuck me?"

"No. Its not all bad. You're one of the good parts."

"What else is good?"

"...."

"Goddamn it-"

"The architecture. I liked the architecture back in Chicago."

"That's it?"

"This film."

"A film and some houses."

"Look, this film, it's an example. No-one back home would have made something this expensive that actually expects its audience to think. I mean, back home when we spend that much, its usually to make something that doesn't make people think, so that Americans will watch it. I mean, if someone wants to get off the beaten path, they can. Not that they do very often, but if they do, they can get somewhere."

"Huh."

"Got to you too."

"First time I've ever seen Moslems not treated like clowns."

"Yeah."

"I mean, I didn't even guess until I saw him praying."

"That bother you?"

"No. Only that I've never seen it before. Not in one of our films."

"Ah."

"Credits're over."

"I can't believe they shot it in New Mexico."

"It's Hollywood. They could have shot it anywhere."

"Yeah. Anywhere."

FIN

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